inkyschwartz (inkyschwartz) wrote,

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Turn of the year thoughts

With the change of the year I find myself thinking about the last one, of course, and the next one as well. I find myself hoping I can do better this next year than i did in the last one since my motivation seems to have fallen out of me at times. I know some really bad shite happened in my life last year but, for better or worse, the universe doesn't stop for you and shares in your grief. It moves on and you have to keep up. So I feel I have fallen behind while everyone else has moved onward. And there's a world out there that needs all of us to do our best at all times so we can hopefully improve the world. We can do no less.

I recently reconnected with an old friend of mine who i haven't talked to in so long that she hadn't heard about Kim's death. She found out through a mutual friend and asked me this classic question: Is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? To which I unconditionally said: "Yes it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Because at the very least you have known love and can remember it sweetly and reflect upon how you are because of it. I don't think one could grow without it." To expand a little bit, there truly is nothing like having a connection like that with another person who shared completely with you. While it sounds co-dependent, you are completed in a way that balances out what you're missing or at least gives you better resources to deal with that. In short it's a great and wonderful experience if it is right.

As for me these days, well I guess to follow up with the bomber metaphor I've used since the summer: We're out of mainland Europe and flying low across the English Channel. The sky is clear and the Cliffs of Dover are ahead, so if we're lucky we'll be on the ground soon enough and then we get to lick our wounds.

And with that on to the next year.

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