inkyschwartz (inkyschwartz) wrote,

worries about me.

So sometimes I feel that one of my greatest casualties in the aftermath of Kim’s death is myself. And not just the emotional upset or the complete shattering changes in my life, but that which makes me, me.

I’ve noticed that I tend to be a bit snappish and have less inclination to ameliorate my words into something less aggressive. Additionally I just feel more bitter towards life in general. Now most of you may not have noticed any of this, or if you have it may not seem all that bad since I’m generally an open and easygoing guy. Most times. And such deviation from the norm may not be regarded as too awful. But for me this is kind of disturbing since it means I’ve lost my center and it’s too easy for me to go skittering all over, or least to the negative end. And it’s just tells me that I’m unbalanced in some ways. The short of it is that I feel myself getting shorter in temper and grimmer in disposition, and I don’t like it one bit.

Now I know that I’ve had a hard year and have been running myself pretty hard with no breaks. Now I’ll get some time off in a week for at least a week, and hopefully that will reformat my head a bit. However I’m going to need a little help, maybe. Basically all I ask is if I seem to be overreacting, by my standards, just call me on it and make me aware. Now if this never happens I know this may all be just in my head and I should stop dwelling. Otherwise just help if you can.

In other news things aren’t all bad. For example my writing down memories exercise seems to be getting me to have a much less painful relationship with my memories. Such as this morning I made breakfast for myself, like actually doing eggs with bits of cheese cut up into it (like Kim used to do) and toasted bagels with butter. And all this did was make me a bit wistful, not that sad. I know this sounds like cheese but for me it’s a good sign.

Well, life goes on.


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